


Experimental Gastronomy

by kitlee625, Sarahastro



Series: Life in the Field [4]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-03
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-12-31 00:46:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1025351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitlee625/pseuds/kitlee625, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarahastro/pseuds/Sarahastro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leo Fitz and Jemma Simmons make dinner for the team.</p><p>Takes place some time after "Five Times It Was Impossible to be Discrete on the Bus."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Experimental Gastronomy

The whole thing is Simmons' idea.

"We love to cook," she tells the team. "Cooking is just chemistry, except you get to eat the results. We'd love to make dinner for the team."

"Where would you cook?" Coulson asks. "The bus doesn't have a kitchen."

"There are plenty of burners in the lab," Fitz says.

"What would you cook?" Ward asks.

"I don't know. Maybe curry?" Simmons suggests. Ward does not look excited, so she asks, "What do people like to eat?"

"Anything is fine," Coulson says.

"Oh, you know what I love that I haven't had in a while? Chili. There was this diner in Austin that had the best chili," Skye says.

"My mom made the best chili," Ward says. "The secret ingredient is beer."

"Most important question Ward: beans or no beans?" Skye asks.

"Beans of course." Skye groans in protest, and Ward insists, "Yes, red kidney beans. You can't have chili without it."

Simmons looks a little doubtful but asks Coulson and May, "Do you like chili?"

"I'll eat chili," Coulson says. "I like chili on hot dogs."

May rolls her eyes at him. "No hot dogs."

*****

Fitz-Simmons decide that the first thing to do is to find a recipe online. They search through several cooking blogs until they find one that doesn't look too complicated.

"Let's see, we'll need 4 kilos of ground beef or turkey -" Simmons dictates to Fitz who is making the grocery list.

"That seems like too much beef."

"Well it's an American food. Americans eat a lot of beef. One large onion, five cloves of garlic -"

"Five! That's going to be too spicy.

"- one cup of canned beef broth. A third a cup of chili powder -"

"That's absurd! We can't put that much chili powder in. We'd kill the team."

"You're probably right. Maybe we can just use a few dashes and add as we need it. Let's seen, then there's cumin, cocoa powder, diced tomatoes, kidney beans, salt, and cider vinegar."

They have to ask May to drive them to the nearest grocery store. She agrees but says that she can't stay to help them shop. When they get to the store they gather together the ingredients together. Fitz balks when he sees the size of the bottle of cider vinegar. "Do we really need this? How much of this are we going to use?

"Just a tablespoon." It is an awfully large bottle to buy for just one tablespoon. "Maybe we can make a substitute? Vinegar is just acetic acid. I could whip that up in the lab. And we have apples on the bus -"

"I bet that would work."

He also hesitates at the cost of all the spices, but Simmons puts her foot down.

"Skye told me that chili is all about the spices. We have to get everything on the list." The recipe calls for chili powder, cumin, and either tabasco sauce or cayenne pepper, but they have difficulty finding all of the spices. The grocery store does not seem to carry a lot of spicy foods, and in the end they have to leave with just chili powder and tabasco sauce.

"We don't want it to be too spicy anyway," Fitz says.

When they get back to the bus they lay out all the ingredients before they start cooking. Fitz gets the equipment together. They have taken a few of their largest pieces of glassware for cooking and set up a ring clamp to suspend them over the bunsen burners. Ward wanders in.

"How's it going guys?" he asks.

"Pretty good. We're about to start cooking."

Ward studies the ingredients. "Where's the beer?"

"I think there's still some in the fridge," Fitz says.

Ward gets a bottle out and puts it with the rest of the ingredients. "You have to put beer in chili. It adds a lot of flavor," Ward says. When he sees their doubtful expressions he insists, "It's good!"

"It's not in our recipe," Fitz says.

Simmons runs to her computer and searches through some recipes. There are so many variations of chili - she had tried to pick a simple one - but sure enough she sees several that recommend a bottle of beer. "He's right Fitz. A lot of these recipes include beer."

"Thanks Ward," Fitz says. He gets started cooking the beef in one large glass beaker. It is a lot of beef, and he stirs it vigorously to break it up.

"Ew, there's all this fat leaking out of it. Is that normal? Are we supposed to eat that?"

Simmons rushes over to examine it. "I don't know. Maybe we could spoon some of it out?" She grabs a measuring cup and starts baling out the puddles of fat pooling between islands of ground beef.

"How's it going?" Coulson asks.

Fitz-Simmons turn around to see Coulson and May standing in the doorway. Coulson looks amused.

"It's going fine sir. Ward gave us some tips," Simmons says.

May frowns and looks at the ingredients. "Did you get any spaghetti?" she asks.

"Spaghetti?" Simmons asks panicked. She doesn't remember reading anything in her research about spaghetti.

"Spaghetti?" Coulson echoes doubtfully.

"It's good," she insists, "that's how chili is served in Cincinnati. It has allspice in it, and you put cheese on top."

Three ingredients they didn't buy. Simmons face falls.

May is studying the ingredients laid out on the counter. "Oh, you have cocoa powder. Just use that instead of allspice."

Coulson notices Simmons panic and adds, "I'm sure it'll be good the way you're cooking it." He steers May out of the lab.

As soon as they leave Simmons asks, "Fitz, what should we do?"

He is engrossed in stirring the beef. It is mostly in small chunks now, and he keeps separating them into smaller and smaller particles. "About what?"

"About what May said - we didn't get cheese, or spaghetti."

"I like spaghetti," Fitz says. "I bet that would be good, like goulash. I don't know about some of this other stuff. I still think there's too much beef for the soup. Maybe we can add some water?"

"But where are we going to get spaghetti?"

"Maybe there's some in the galley," Fitz suggests.

Miraculously there is a small bag of elbow macaroni, and Simmons sets it beside the other ingredients. "Now what about the cheese?"

"I don't think cheese in soup would be any good," Fitz says.

Skye walks in and grabs a beer from the fridge. "Hey guys, how's it going?"

Simmons turns to her excitedly. "Let's see what Skye thinks."

"What Skye think about what?" Skye asks suspiciously.

"About cheese in chili -"

"We didn't buy any at the grocery store, and I don't think it's going to be any good. It'll make the soup all lumpy," he insists.

"Well, you have to have cheese on chili," Skye says. "Absolutely. I'll get Ward to go to the store to grab some."

That crisis averted, Simmons dashes over to Fitz and peers over his shoulder. The beef has turned into little brown particles floating in its own fat. She shudders and spoons enough out so that there is only a small amount in the bottom of the beaker. "That looks ready. Now we add the garlic and onion."

"I don't think we should use a whole onion. That thing is strong." Simmons agrees and pours about half the onion and a clove of garlic into the mix. "Good. Now just stir that up and then we add the beef broth, tomatoes, and spices."

"What about the macaroni? When should I add that?"

"I guess then too."

Fitz stirs the onions and garlic vigorously until the kitchen begins to smell like burnt food.

"Oh no, it's burning!" Simmons cries.

"It's not my fault. It's sticking to the sides of the glassware. I have to stir it constantly."

"I'll add the broth and tomatoes now. That might help it not stick." She pours in one can of beef broth as well as the diced tomatoes, being careful not to let the juice in as well.

"There isn't very much liquid," Simmons says as she adds the beer. Even with the bottle of beer, the meat is not submerged.

"Get some water. This isn't nearly enough liquid for the soup."

Simmons pours enough water in so that the beef is nice and submerged, and the burnt smell lessens. "Now we add the spices - well, I guess we should just add a little bit of the chili powder and the cocoa powder." She gingerly shakes some of eat into the pot. "Now we simmer it for ten minutes and then add the beans, salt, and vinegar." She sets the timer. "You watch that, while I make the vinegar."

She runs over to the side counter and starts to mix things up. Vinegar is just acetic acid, and she has some of that in the lab. What she has in the lab is too strong to eat, so she dilutes it. However the recipe calls for cider vinegar, and so she juices an apple and mixes that in with the vinegar.

When ten minutes are up she pours everything in. Ward arrives bearing slices of American cheese.

"Sorry that it's in slices, but it was all the 7-11 had," Ward explains.

"So what do we do with the cheese? Mix it in?" Fitz asks.

"In the pictures it looks like it's floating on top."

"Should we do that now?"

Simmons consults the recipe. "I think everything else is done. Yeah." She lays cheese slices on top of the chili. They immediately start to melt. "They're melting so fast."

They stare at the cheese for a few minutes until Fitz asks, "How do we know if it's ready to eat?"

"I think it should get more melty," Simmons guesses. It does get melty, and the edges start to turn hard and burnt.

"It's burning!" Fitz exclaims. He turns off the bunson burner. "It must be done."

*****

Simmons carefully spoons chili into everyone's bowls. It is not easy getting at the soup with the hard, burnt cheese on top. She ends up kind of breaking up the cheese into pieces and putting a piece into each bowl before ladling the soup on top of it.

"I hope you like it," she says.

Everyone stares at the chili, but no one makes a move to start eating except for Coulson. He picks up his spoon and stares expectantly at the others until they pick up their spoons too. Hesitantly they taste the chili.

"Oh my god!" Skye says. "What did you do to this?"

Melinda takes a long drink of water and then gingerly explores her bowl. "Is there macaroni in this?" she asks, nudging the pale, mushy noodles with her spoon.

"You said there should be spaghetti but we didn't have any," Simmons says.

"You cook the spaghetti separately and then pour the chili on top," May says.

"What? Who puts chili on spaghetti?" Skye asks.

"That's how people eat it in Cincinnati."

"Well it's not like Cincinnati is the chili capital of America," Skye says. "That would be Texas."

While they are arguing, Coulson just puts down his spoon and stands up. "We can't eat that," he says. He goes into the galley and starts pulling out bread and the rest of the American cheese slices.

"What are you doing?" Ward asks.

"I'm making grilled cheese sandwiches."

Ward makes a face. "I'm just going to eat a protein bar. I like protein bars."

"His sandwiches are actually very good," May says.

Coulson is assembling the sandwiches, so he misses the amused look that Ward, Skye, and Fitz-Simmons share. If May notices, she ignores them.

"I'll get the bunsen burner," Simmons says.

"I don't need it," Coulson says. He turns the toaster on its side and slides two sandwiches in.

"What are you doing?" Fitz says. "It's going to catch on fire."

"No it won't."

Within a few minutes, he has made a half dozen grilled cheese sandwiches. He carries them back to the table, and Ward and Fitz-Simmons examine them. They look like grilled cheese, and there is not anything obviously wrong with them, so they each take a sandwich. Coulson, May, and Skye have no reservations and immediately start eating.

"This is good," Fitz says.

Skye nods. "Coulson made me one when I stayed with him."

"I've never seen anyone make a toasted cheese sandwich in a toaster," Simmons says. She looks guilty. "I'm sorry about how dinner turned out. I guess it wasn't a good idea for me and Fitz to cook for you all."

"Maybe chili wasn't the best idea. Have you ever even eaten it before?" Skye asks.

"No," Fitz and Simmons say in unison.

"Well then next time I'll make the chili," Skye offers.

"Maybe Agent May can cook for us sometime. She's a really good cook," Coulson says.

May glares at him. "I don't cook on assignment." To Fitz-Simmons she says, "Don't feel bad about dinner. It gave Coulson a chance to show off his grilled cheese sandwiches."

Simmons looks at both of them. "How long have you two known each other?" she asks.

"About twenty years," Coulson says. "We were assigned to work together on an extended mission."

"I'd never eaten so many grilled cheese sandwiches in my life," May says.

**Author's Note:**

> The chili recipe here that Fitz-Simmons start with is based on the Red Bean Chili recipe from Smitten Kitchen, which I highly recommend. Unlike Fitz-Simmons I would not recommend cutting any ingredients or making additions/substitutions (such as trying to make your own cider vinegar).
> 
> We have no reason to believe that Melinda May is from Cincinnati, or eats Cincinnati chili, but we wanted to include all types of chili. We are from Texas, and like Skye endorse Texas chili con carne (beans optional).


End file.
